New Directions

People come, people go.
I've heard that saying, there are over 6 billion people in this world, but all that matters is one?
A significant change in opinion has washed over me over the last year, graduated to a new city, new life, right? The mindset is to make as many friends as possible, 'network', party hard.
Its all in efforts to dispel the loneliness.
For the most part, people need people.
Isn't that so weak?

When people go to parties, what do they want out of it? To meet people and possibly hook up? Just add to the friend count on facebook?
When I go, I guess I can categorize it under 'whatever I can get'.
Thinking I don't mind making new friends, more is always merrier.

Recently, the more I meet the more lonely I feel.
Its easy to be friendly and fake with anyone; these acquaintances mean nothing in the long run.
I had decided to 'lower my standards' due to urging of my friends if I ever had hopes of any type of relationship with a boy.
It helped open up, but after a few months I've come to the realization that maybe I'm just wasting my time with people I don't reciprocate with.
It makes me wonder: why are there so many people, but it seems like none of them are meant for me?
The probability of Girl A liking Guy B is not too low.
But the probability of Guy B reciprocating those feelings for Girl A... well that's another issue.
And vice versa.
I feel like it will never happen for me.
I've had the urge to reach out and draw my existing friends closer and turn acquaintances into actual friendships.
Wouldn't it be so nice to know that someone is always there?
Unconditional care.
I've learned that life doesn't just give you what you want. If you so desire something, its up to you to achieve it.
And so frustrating when these attempts are met with failure.
The one time I developed true interest in one guy, it ended in more than failure. I know my feelings weren't pure, I just loved the idea of him.
More recently, my attempt in reconnecting with someone I decided I want to be more close to me was met with a less than lukewarm response.
Why can't I have the only few people I care about?

I've realized that as an individual, I cannot accept everyone, for I have standards. Perhaps the bitchiest and most selfish thing I have ever said, but I know it goes for a lot of other people too.
I remembered why my standards were so high in the first place,
Its unhealthy and unreasonable to want everything I can't have, but I would rather end up alone than settle for anything less. That would be like living a lie.

At times I crave closeness to people, other times I'm glad to be by myself because I'm easily sickened by people.
Before I was fine with keeping a distance, but as of late I hunger for more.
With every new acquaintance, I analyze the potential and the people of interest aren't interested and the ones of no interest are interested.
What a bitch thing to say.
Do I not feel interest because it already exists one way?
Maybe.
There is a lot of conflict, a lot of thought.

And it just keeps me up, night after night.

Top Ten Wanted Men

So I decided to compile a list of my favourite 10 celebrity men into one list of hot awesomeness. Included in the list are actors, musicians, models, whatever goes really.


Colin Farrell





My favourite Irish actor, Colin Farrell is undeniably a sexy beast. His trademark eyebrows and bad boy reputation gets me everytime! I only watched Alexander for him... as well as Miami Vice and In Bruges.


James Franco





His performance in Tristan and Isolde definitely won me over. He was also pretty cute in Pineapple Express. Although I think the age is finally starting to show on his face, he is still handsome and looks best clean shaven.


G Dragon





A Korean superstar extraordinaire and main act of Big Bang, Kwon Jiyong is cute and charismatic at the same time. He's not afraid to try different styles and his confidence allows him to pull off almost anything including platinum blonde hair, which makes me admire him even more <3. He has some serious singing and rapping skills too, and going solo recently just proves that he can last in the entertainment industry.



Zac Efron





My heart was his as soon as I laid eyes on him in High School Musical with those stunning blue eyes and sandy hair. I watched him grow up into a man over the years and he definitely looked super great in 17 Again. To all those people out there who continuously bash him and call him a fag or girl or whatever, they can all go look in the mirror because I'm sure they cannot compare!


David Beckham



I don't know anything about soccer, and David Beckham is probably the closest I'll get to the sport. Although he's already married (ugh) that does not take away from his hotness quotient one bit! His sculpted body and masculine face is perfection.


Luke Worrall




This platinum blonde supermodel is already taken by Kelly Osbourne (another major UGH), but I can still dream right? He's closer to my age anyways ;). His look can be androgynous at times and his elfin features are very well defined. LOVE his lip piercing too. He's modeled for a ton of designers, Marc Jacobs being my favourite.


Johnny Knoxville




This man has made me laugh countless times in all the Jackass movies and episodes. Although already a family man, his youthful spirit has not suffered. His smile is super cute and he is a fine specimen of a man - manly face, manly body. ;)

Nicholas Hoult




He first caught my eye in Skins, and I just recently saw him again in Clash of the Titans. His charming personality and piercing blue eyes are just ~too much to resist~. He has that slight daredevil/bad boy look to him when he smirks which is just too cute! Although that's his role in Skins, I think he's a much more mature and reserved person in real life. I haven't gotten around to watching "A Single Man" but I'm sure his role in it just makes everything better.

Shia Labeouf




Not necessarily the most attractive on this list, but his witty charm and charisma definitely make him close to number one in my heart! If he wasn't in Transformers, it wouldn't be half as good as it is.

Jared Leto




Lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars and sometimes actor, Jared Leto is still looking fine for his age.

What I Wore Today

✎ Summer Clothing List ✎

So now that I've FINALLY completed my exams and have made the trek back to my hometown, I can finally relax and shift my mind onto my big summer plans! I'm going to look for a job asap, and with the money I make I can afford a new summer wardrobe! Here are my top 10 wants:

. High rise denim Shorts

. Another pair of shorts! Either white denim, or high waisted double breasted buttons, loose swing types, etc.

. American Apparel

. I don't know the correct word for these shoes, but they are inspired by mens formal shoes... and they're lace up and usually black.

.loose crop top

. Interesting jacket - look for lace details, shoulder details, etc. Leather jacket is tooo worn.

. Black harem pants/capris/shorts. Mango has some nice ones out this season - note to self: ask friend for employee discount! ;)

1. Bathing suit! I want either a one piece with funky cutouts or a cute bandeau two piece with mis-matched tops and bottoms. However if I opt for a two piece I better get crackin on attaining that beach body. I absolutely LOVE the bodysuit the Brown Eyed Girls wear in their video, "Abracadabra." Paired with orange heels is absolutely HOT.

We Looove to Vintage Shop

Exam time is so stressful, sometimes you just need to be free and relax~ !

LG Fashion Week

I had the opportunity to volunteer at LG Fashion week for the Ryerson show a few weeks ago.
I'm not going to do a full review and I'm obviously going to support my own school so it may be slightly biased.
The Ryerson show showcased Sheila Lam's 'Revelation', Angelene Fenuta 'Litis', Freda Audrey Tam's 'Service Electro' and Jennifer Allison's Walking Tall.




I must say my favourite was the menswear line by Freda Audrey Tam, the looks were sharp, military and bold. I was liking the addition of the nerd glasses too ;)

I wasn't too sure on the whole cuisine concept and the interactions with the models could have been more practiced.
Overall it was an exciting experience and I felt pretty pumped to be part of it!
I never regret volunteering at fashion shows because its always a constant reminder of the excitement and glamour I get to look forward to in my future career.

Goodbye for now!

JESSICAT

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I'm tired of playing games, but I can't help but continue on in hopes that this situation will catalyze.